My Previous Struggle

I've been thinking lately.

On Saturday 14 August, after terawih, there was a syarahan, about Fasting and Patience.

I've learn and realised alot of things. Just like words I hear from someone about tryingto be a better person. You may see two path, but choose one. Just hold onto one, leave the other. I can't stop thinking about it.


I see two things in my life right now. And I'm holding on both of them. If I let go of one, I'll go deep into the other, vice versa. So now, I'm thinking. The time is a very good time to choose one of it, because now is Ramadhan.

Roleplay (RP), is one of the things I enjoy doing. Aside from playing drums, but that doesn't matter now because I no longer look back at that. I've deleted my jamming videos on my phone, and I no longer feel for it. So that's one down.

Don't think about acting and all those. What I meant my roleplay is, by me going to a factfiction forum, Maybe on topics like Anime. And I roleplay it. How? So let's say I take the anime Naruto, I roleplay as a so-called-ninja. And I fight with others. I do that by making a thread/post, and I write descriptively, explaining the details, my surroundings and also how attack the person. The person (someone from the other end of the world), does the same. So he reply by making up his part of his story, telling me how he react to what I just did. Its like writing a story/composition, mostly can reach about 4 or 5 long paragraph of words. English words. So yes I enjoy it. And I learn new words from it too.

The bad thing about it is that it keeps me in a sort of trance and sways my thoughts where I will be distracted and think very deep into it when I feel like doing RP. And that makes me day dream most of the time. That's a big issue for me, I have to do something.

This post was meant to be last weeks post but I had some issues so I had to postpone it. Anything before this line was written last week.

So now, I've given it up. I've decided. I no longer will RP. It was an old dream. I had fun while it lasted. I'd surely missed it. But I do not regret. I do not regret quitting drums and role-playing for something that weighs much more importance. Its because I know this is something that will last with me throughout my life. I have to take this chance, this month, to make a different. Everything I do and every deed I ever did might not have been the best there is to it.

I've always wondered if those people had to sacrifice something they had in order to be where they are now. I realised there are challenges even as little as it seems, but if the will to fight against and not give in to any temptation burns stronger then one can succeed. I learn that from one of those whom I respect and admire.


The road ahead will be hard and challenging. So I hope there will be light to lead me, to be a better person. InsyaAllah. Amin.

Hope you all have a great weekend. (: